Monday, May 19, 2008

Shiny Things

According to the medical community, I have ADHD. It's weird because I never was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, nor did I really exhibit any of the stereotypical symptoms, such as running around in circles screaming or swinging off of chandeliers and ceiling fans.

Turns out though there are two types of ADHD, according to my therapist. One is the kind you're born with (see above), while the other is the kind you acquire (see me).

In all honesty, those that acquire ADHD are kind of posers. Whereas someone who is diagnosed with it as a child was likely born with some chemical imbalance, those who become ADHD as adults kind of just picked it up as a bad habit. Acquired ADHD comes from anxiety and stress. Those with anxiety disorders are especially prone to this and tend to get fidgety, hyper and unable to concentrate because of all the crazy thoughts inside their brain competing for attention.

It is my fear that someone who is a born ADHDer will discover that I have merely acquired ADHD and will then recruit a number of other genetic ADHD people to beat me up, all the while being occassionally distracted by a passing car or bird chirping. It's like the nightmares I used to have where I would accidentally stumble upon a gang of monsters in some sort of monster clubhouse cave. And when the monsters spotted me, I pretended I was a monster too by scowling and gnashing my teeth and making animal noises. And the ruse would work, at first. The monsters would all agree that I, my 8-year-old self, was indeed a monster and would invite me to be a monster with them. But then something would happen, like the monsters would break out their dinner of rotting human flesh, I'd scream, and my cover would be blown.

Also, ADHD shows itself differently in differenet people. It's a spectrum kind of disease so whereas some people bounce around uncontrollably, others are reserved and merely fidget occasionally. I'm the type that always has to fidget. My legs shake, I crack my knuckles constantly, I rock from side to side. I also can't concentrate on a single thing without getting distracted about every two minutes (I blame MTV with their fast edits).

As I learn to calm myself down through breathing exercises and self medication, I find my ability to stay attentive to increase. So I suppose there is hope for me to one day shed my ADHD label and become a normal human being again. I just hope those hyperactive, attention deficit monsters don't find out first.

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