Asshole - Texas Style

Meet Joe Horn. He's 61 years old and resides in a nice neighborhood in Pasadena, Texas. He's a grandfather, a gun owner and a real fucking asshole.

Asshole isn't the right word for Mr. Horn. Murderer? Killer? Psychopath? Not one of these encapsulates the brutal insanity that this man wields inside his fleshy dome. I'd call him a douchebag, but that's offensive to douchebags everywhere.

You see, Mr. Horn took the law into his own hands. One day he was looking out his window and saw two men robbing his neighbors home. Like a good concerned citizen, Horn called 911. The dispatcher assured him that the police were on their way. But that wasn't good enough for Mr. Horn. He had to make sure these robbers would be caught and punished. Ignoring the pleadings of the 911 dispatcher, Mr. Horn grabbed a shotgun and shot the two thieves in their backs. In their backs! Even in Texas, a state known for its libertarian, no-nonsense ways, this was an act of cowardice.

When the decision came down in Mr. Horn's murder case, the jury decided to let him off the hook. There's a law in Texas called the "Castle Law," which basically states a person's home is their castle and they are legally allowed to use deadly force to protect it. But Mr. Horn wasn't protecting his own home. He was protecting his neighbor's. And the burglars weren't committing acts of violence. They were merely robbing the house of money and jewelry, items that could be insured and restored. However their lives, sadly, cannot be.

Many are calling Mr. Horn a hero. He saw a crime being committed and did what he could to stop it. I think Mr. Horn is a symbol of the state of the nation. Here is a man that is so crippled with fear that he would take a shotgun to the backs of two burglars. Here is a man who values money over human lives. Here is a man who probably thinks the terrorists are out to get us, that illegal immigrants are taking our jobs, that hate, violence and inhumanity lurk around every corner waiting to destroy everything we hold sacred.

The truth is the world is a peaceful place. It is the fear that Mr. Horn fosters that turns it into the violent, ugly world he perceives. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

"I'd say I'm about this much of an asshole."
- Joe Horn