I got a massage this morning. It was my second one ever, so don't think I typically pamper myself. I couldn't afford it. But I felt I needed to treat myself to something that would relieve some stress.
You see, I've been freaking out because it is now literally one week away from my move, and it feels like I've done nothing to pack, despite the fact that I'm almost completely packed. The issue is I have no stuff, so I keep looking at my pile of belongings and wondering what the hell I've been doing with my life. Literally all that I own could fit into a closet. It's kind of sad. Do I just throw things away or do I just not buy anything? And if I haven't bought anything, how in the hell have I been surviving?
But back to the massage...it was at Sir Spa, the mens-only spa up in A-ville. It's not a bathhouse, so there are no happy endings (pervs!). It's just a really nice, upscale spa, complete with a steamroom, amazing waterfall showers and a relaxation room full of magazines like Men's Journal and Men's Health and whatever else us gay men read. I highly recommend it to everyone (excpet for girls). I feel absolutely amazing and crappy right now. Amazing because my muscles are actually relaxed. Crappy because all the toxins my body had been storing were released, and it feels like I was on an all-night bender. Oh wait...
I was basically on a late-night bender last night. My life as of late has been weird. Very weird. I'm considering making a new blog to describe the weirdness in full since my mom knows about this one. That or I'm going to make a video blog that depicts me with a series of sock puppets to represent the various characters that have been floating in and out of my life as of late.
And all this is adding to the stress. My lack of routine, the move, my work...it's driving me crazy. And I feel like I continue to have less time for friends, and lately I've had little motivation for comedy (although that could be due to the fact that I just finished editing a movie I co-wrote and directed, a process which took well over 15 hours). But I skipped my first improv class of the new session yesterday, something I would never do. I woke up and wanted to go on a bike ride. And I didn't want anything to interfere with that. So I told myself that if I made it back in time I'd go to class. I ended up riding for about 40 miles, a total of about 2.5-3 hours of riding. Suffice it to say, I missed class. But the strangest thing is I don't care. And that kind of scares me.
I don't think that I'm losing interest in comedy. I think I'm just beginning to realize what it is with comedy that I want to do. I love making movies, I love my sketch group, I'm very excited about the show I got cast in. I think it's the combination of stress and ennui for the current improv program I'm in that is causing me to flake. At least that's what I hope.
God, I need another massage.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
ELO
I have been on a huge ELO kick lately.
For years I've always wanted to own an ELO album. My first real exposure to them was in Richardson when I was in High School. My hometown has an annual music festival and for some inexplicable reason (I'm assuming they were outright lied to) ELO played there. I didn't know much about them at the time, so I wasn't expecting much. But when I heard them play, I instantly fell in love with them.
The rich melodies, the layered harmonics, the string - oh the strings! - I just wanted to implant their albums in my head.
In college, when I was a radio DJ for the university's radio station, I played ELO every other show. Despite being focused on indie music, the station had a lot of classic records, including a double album of ELO's greatest hits. Telephone Line and Turn to Stone were my favorites. So in between the usual esoteric albums like Chainsaw Kittens and Brian Eno, I'd play ELO.
For six years I wanted to buy an ELO album. For some reason I never let myself do it. Until the other day when I was realized it would cost me about $10 to buy their greatest hits off of iTunes. And in a moment of self-indulgence, I bought it. And I've been listening to it non-stop ever since.
Below is my song-by-song write-up of some of ELO's best music.
1. Shine a Little Love - The galloping drums move this song right along. The rockin' bass gives it a disco tinge. The chorus is BeeGee's-esq, the intermittent strings color the song with that ELO feel and the hand clap is just plain silly and cute. I could definitely see myself doing coke at a roller rink to this song.
2. Don't Bring Me Down - The whole song is basically sung with a big echo filter, giving the vocals a much more powerful feel. Combined with the crunchy guitars, this song is actually reminicent of Roxy Music. However, it's also the kind of song you only listen to in your car with the windows rolled up for fear of embarassment.
3. Evil Woman - Although I can't relate to this song, (Evil Ma-an) doesn't have the same ring. But the piano riff and the bluesy melody gives the song a dark and bitter feel. But it never verges on sad thanks to the chorus which swells into falsetto. It's not my favorite song because of its overly simplistic instrumentation, but if I had a girlfriend that broke my heart, I'd listen to this while burning all my photos of her.
4. Can't Get It Out Of My Head - So sad, so lovely, so ga ga ga ga gorgeous. The swelling strings, the French Horn, the choral background. It's a masterpiece. I want to fall in love listening to this song. Or if that's not going to happen, I want to personify this song and make sweet, tender love to it. Sweet, sweet audio love.
5. Mr. Blue Sky - This song makes me have orgasms in my ears (are headphones my condoms?). The punchy melody, the cowbell, the strangely sung vocals, the chorus (which progresses from deep, to mid, to falsetto vocals) is so aesthetically amazing. I could do without the robot voice, but it was the 1970s so they were just showing off that they had a robot (Styx had one too). I listen to this song when I'm sad, it's raining, my bike is broken or because I still have a pulse and no carbon-based creature could resist this.
6. Strange Magic - I wish I could go into a time machine and go to a prom in the 1970s just so I could slow dance to this song. There's not much to it. And it's kind of reptitive, but that makes it the perfect prom song. You don't have to think about what dance move you're going to do next. You just hold on and waddle back and forth together, maybe the occasional twirl. Perfect!
7. Turn To Stone - One of the best songs ever made. You get gallopping drums and a running bass; solo vocals with call-and-response lush harmonies. If I was the Flash from DC Comic book fame, this is the song I would play on my iPod as I ran around saving the world.
8. Sweet Talkin' Woman - This song isn't one of my favorites. I do like the renaissance-sounding intro, the head bouncing tempo, the call-and-response vocals (which ELO loves). I listen to this when I burn out on my favorites.
9. Telephone Line - We've all been there. Calling someone we love who used to love us only to get no answer. "Pick up! Pick up!" You say. But what good does it do. You're just yelling at a telephone. This song is the perfect song to play in the background while making a drunk dial. Because then the next morning you can just say, "Oh that! I was joking. It was a joke. Obviously. Ha. A joke...Why won't you love me!"
10. Livin' Thing - Bouncy and happy as usual, this song is ELO's "I Will Survive," at least that's how I like to think of it. Happiness and saddness, they're livin' things. Such wisdom ELO. Such wisdom.
11. Do Ya - Not one of my favorites. A little to stadium rock for me. And the chorus is gayer than all get out, which says a lot coming from me. But it's got its time and place.
12. Showdown - Funky intro with some great strings. It's got a "Heard It Through the Grapevine" vibe to it. Still not one of my favorites, but it is a nice break from the usual string-laced melodies that can get a little reptitive after a while.
13. and 14. Rock and Roll is King & Hold on Tight - Everyone makes a clunker or two. These are two.
For years I've always wanted to own an ELO album. My first real exposure to them was in Richardson when I was in High School. My hometown has an annual music festival and for some inexplicable reason (I'm assuming they were outright lied to) ELO played there. I didn't know much about them at the time, so I wasn't expecting much. But when I heard them play, I instantly fell in love with them.
The rich melodies, the layered harmonics, the string - oh the strings! - I just wanted to implant their albums in my head.
In college, when I was a radio DJ for the university's radio station, I played ELO every other show. Despite being focused on indie music, the station had a lot of classic records, including a double album of ELO's greatest hits. Telephone Line and Turn to Stone were my favorites. So in between the usual esoteric albums like Chainsaw Kittens and Brian Eno, I'd play ELO.
For six years I wanted to buy an ELO album. For some reason I never let myself do it. Until the other day when I was realized it would cost me about $10 to buy their greatest hits off of iTunes. And in a moment of self-indulgence, I bought it. And I've been listening to it non-stop ever since.
Below is my song-by-song write-up of some of ELO's best music.
1. Shine a Little Love - The galloping drums move this song right along. The rockin' bass gives it a disco tinge. The chorus is BeeGee's-esq, the intermittent strings color the song with that ELO feel and the hand clap is just plain silly and cute. I could definitely see myself doing coke at a roller rink to this song.
2. Don't Bring Me Down - The whole song is basically sung with a big echo filter, giving the vocals a much more powerful feel. Combined with the crunchy guitars, this song is actually reminicent of Roxy Music. However, it's also the kind of song you only listen to in your car with the windows rolled up for fear of embarassment.
3. Evil Woman - Although I can't relate to this song, (Evil Ma-an) doesn't have the same ring. But the piano riff and the bluesy melody gives the song a dark and bitter feel. But it never verges on sad thanks to the chorus which swells into falsetto. It's not my favorite song because of its overly simplistic instrumentation, but if I had a girlfriend that broke my heart, I'd listen to this while burning all my photos of her.
4. Can't Get It Out Of My Head - So sad, so lovely, so ga ga ga ga gorgeous. The swelling strings, the French Horn, the choral background. It's a masterpiece. I want to fall in love listening to this song. Or if that's not going to happen, I want to personify this song and make sweet, tender love to it. Sweet, sweet audio love.
5. Mr. Blue Sky - This song makes me have orgasms in my ears (are headphones my condoms?). The punchy melody, the cowbell, the strangely sung vocals, the chorus (which progresses from deep, to mid, to falsetto vocals) is so aesthetically amazing. I could do without the robot voice, but it was the 1970s so they were just showing off that they had a robot (Styx had one too). I listen to this song when I'm sad, it's raining, my bike is broken or because I still have a pulse and no carbon-based creature could resist this.
6. Strange Magic - I wish I could go into a time machine and go to a prom in the 1970s just so I could slow dance to this song. There's not much to it. And it's kind of reptitive, but that makes it the perfect prom song. You don't have to think about what dance move you're going to do next. You just hold on and waddle back and forth together, maybe the occasional twirl. Perfect!
7. Turn To Stone - One of the best songs ever made. You get gallopping drums and a running bass; solo vocals with call-and-response lush harmonies. If I was the Flash from DC Comic book fame, this is the song I would play on my iPod as I ran around saving the world.
8. Sweet Talkin' Woman - This song isn't one of my favorites. I do like the renaissance-sounding intro, the head bouncing tempo, the call-and-response vocals (which ELO loves). I listen to this when I burn out on my favorites.
9. Telephone Line - We've all been there. Calling someone we love who used to love us only to get no answer. "Pick up! Pick up!" You say. But what good does it do. You're just yelling at a telephone. This song is the perfect song to play in the background while making a drunk dial. Because then the next morning you can just say, "Oh that! I was joking. It was a joke. Obviously. Ha. A joke...Why won't you love me!"
10. Livin' Thing - Bouncy and happy as usual, this song is ELO's "I Will Survive," at least that's how I like to think of it. Happiness and saddness, they're livin' things. Such wisdom ELO. Such wisdom.
11. Do Ya - Not one of my favorites. A little to stadium rock for me. And the chorus is gayer than all get out, which says a lot coming from me. But it's got its time and place.
12. Showdown - Funky intro with some great strings. It's got a "Heard It Through the Grapevine" vibe to it. Still not one of my favorites, but it is a nice break from the usual string-laced melodies that can get a little reptitive after a while.
13. and 14. Rock and Roll is King & Hold on Tight - Everyone makes a clunker or two. These are two.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
It's Complicated
Love is complicated. Sex is complicated. Gay love and gay sex are very complicated. Especially when you try to explain them to straight people.
I don't like sounding elitist, and I hate the notion that somehow gay people are different than straight people. But I'm beginning to realize that gay love and gay sex are pretty different than the hetero versions.
I'm not talking about the obvious elements (two people of the same gender, we use our butts a lot more, etc.). I'm talking about rules, boundaries and dynamics.
But before I launch into my observations, let me preface the rest of this post with something. I think everyone knows Matt and I are broken up. And it isn't like all the other times we've broken up. This one is for real. I'm moving out, I'm getting the cat and we're free to do what we want with other people. I've totally been taking advantage of this last point, and I have to say I feel freer than I have in years. Like some kind of coming-of-age mid 90s gay drama, my independence, sense of self and sexuality are blossoming. And it's totally awesome. You have to remember, Matt and I were together for 4.5 years. I was with him since I was 22. Before that, I had only been out for about three years and dated sparingly since I was living in mid-Missouri, not really the hotbed for hot guys to get into bed with. Now I'm fully realizing the potential that being single and in my 20s has, and it doesn't hurt that I'm quite possibly in the best physical shape of my life.
So anyway, gay love/sex is different. With Matt, we were always trying to wedge our relationship into some sort of heteronormative model that really just doesn't work. We tried to be monogamous (and when we weren't, it was always during a rough patch between us rather than a time when things were really solid. Big mistake). We tried to be domesticated, loving and caring in all the ways we thought we were supposed to because that's what movies, television and our parents had told us for years. But we weren't Ozzy and Harriett, and we never were going to be.
I need fluidity, and I think a lot of gay men do as well. At Market Days this year, I hung out with a couple. They're married...like legally married (they're from Boston). But they openly show affection for other people and bring guys into the bedroom occasionally. But they're completely in love with one another. Another guy I know (I'll call him Shiv), is polyamorous, meaning he has loving relationships with multiple guys. I don't think either scenario is right for everybody, but I think both are reflective of how gay men find ways of making relationships work for them.
I think a lot of straight people would probably benefit from these models. However, the added threat of pregnancy makes things a little trickier (you have a kid with someone else and then there's legal trouble there for ya). Still, I don't think gay men should be judged for their openness to show affection for one another. We can love, still. We just choose to do it in a different way.
I don't like sounding elitist, and I hate the notion that somehow gay people are different than straight people. But I'm beginning to realize that gay love and gay sex are pretty different than the hetero versions.
I'm not talking about the obvious elements (two people of the same gender, we use our butts a lot more, etc.). I'm talking about rules, boundaries and dynamics.
But before I launch into my observations, let me preface the rest of this post with something. I think everyone knows Matt and I are broken up. And it isn't like all the other times we've broken up. This one is for real. I'm moving out, I'm getting the cat and we're free to do what we want with other people. I've totally been taking advantage of this last point, and I have to say I feel freer than I have in years. Like some kind of coming-of-age mid 90s gay drama, my independence, sense of self and sexuality are blossoming. And it's totally awesome. You have to remember, Matt and I were together for 4.5 years. I was with him since I was 22. Before that, I had only been out for about three years and dated sparingly since I was living in mid-Missouri, not really the hotbed for hot guys to get into bed with. Now I'm fully realizing the potential that being single and in my 20s has, and it doesn't hurt that I'm quite possibly in the best physical shape of my life.
So anyway, gay love/sex is different. With Matt, we were always trying to wedge our relationship into some sort of heteronormative model that really just doesn't work. We tried to be monogamous (and when we weren't, it was always during a rough patch between us rather than a time when things were really solid. Big mistake). We tried to be domesticated, loving and caring in all the ways we thought we were supposed to because that's what movies, television and our parents had told us for years. But we weren't Ozzy and Harriett, and we never were going to be.
I need fluidity, and I think a lot of gay men do as well. At Market Days this year, I hung out with a couple. They're married...like legally married (they're from Boston). But they openly show affection for other people and bring guys into the bedroom occasionally. But they're completely in love with one another. Another guy I know (I'll call him Shiv), is polyamorous, meaning he has loving relationships with multiple guys. I don't think either scenario is right for everybody, but I think both are reflective of how gay men find ways of making relationships work for them.
I think a lot of straight people would probably benefit from these models. However, the added threat of pregnancy makes things a little trickier (you have a kid with someone else and then there's legal trouble there for ya). Still, I don't think gay men should be judged for their openness to show affection for one another. We can love, still. We just choose to do it in a different way.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Life Overload
This post is purely for my own sanity. I need some place where I can write down all the things I'm involved in right now just so I can try to make sense of my life. You see, I've set a lot of balls in motion over the past couple months, and now they're all kind of gaining speed. So without further ado, here's the list of crap I've got on the brain:
1. Poop Monsters from Castle Poopskull - my new, experimental two-person improv team that I formed with my friend Nellie. We're having our first show August 25th. We're getting t-shirts made and everything. So far we haven't even had one actual rehearsal together. But we're planning on having weekly rehearsals leading up to the show. If all goes well, we'll start looking for more opportunities in the future.
2. Bastion Videos - I've been interviewing a number of local comics about themselves and their perspectives on comedy. The interviews are one part real journalism and one part sketch (at least that's the way we're evolving them). I've got quite a backlog of video that I need to edit, so that's on the agenda.
3. Spec Script - I've done a pretty significant edit on my first draft of my 30 Rock spec script. It still needs some more tweaking, but I'm nearing the end. Sometime in September I will likely stage a reading, along with my friends Maureen and Jack (yet another thing that will take planning and coordinating). It's pretty exciting though.
4. The Homo-Breeder Alliance - This is my sketch group that has kind of been on hiatus for a while. Supposedly we may be getting a director, which will jumpstart things again for us. I sure hope we do. They're a really smart group of people, and the opportunity to write and act in smart queer-oriented sketches that appeal to a wide audience is hard to pass up.
5. An unnamed improv group - The former members of Armchair Showcase that aren't moving (i.e. me, Qian, Maureen and maybe Jack) are trying to create a new, much more informal improv group, along with some newbies. As of now, the group will probably be comprised of all girls, except for two gay guys, me and coincidentally someone I know from college. We'd only perform about once a month, so the commitment is doable. I really hope this gets off the ground.
6. Audition this Saturday for Theater Momentum - Theater Momentum is gaining a name for itself for producing improv shows that are praised as both comedic and dramatic at once. They are holding unified auditions this Saturday, and I just made makeshift headshots for it today (thanks Nellie and Daniel for the help). You can see a sample of the headshot at the bottom of this post. I'm a little nervous about the audition, especially if I get a callback and then get a part. It's going to be a huge commitment. But it sounds like a great opportunity.
7. Improv for Kids Program - I'm going to start teaching kids how to improvise in a couple weeks. The program at Matt's workplace (despite our separation) is moving forward. I'm really excited about this since it's a whole new facet of improv for me...teaching! Plus working with kids will likely be a welcomed change of pace from working with adults. Bring on the fun!
8. Videos - I just bought a camera so I can make funny videos. It's mainly just a digital camera, but it can take about an hour of high-quality footage with the right memory card. I'm planning on making some sketches in my new apartment once I move as well as a few before I do.
9. Non-comedy stuff - This includes moving to a new apartment, breaking up with my boyfriend and running my own business. I think I'm a little ADHD.
Oh, here's that headshot I promised. Can you believe this was taken outside behind an elementary school? That background is really just a metal door.
1. Poop Monsters from Castle Poopskull - my new, experimental two-person improv team that I formed with my friend Nellie. We're having our first show August 25th. We're getting t-shirts made and everything. So far we haven't even had one actual rehearsal together. But we're planning on having weekly rehearsals leading up to the show. If all goes well, we'll start looking for more opportunities in the future.
2. Bastion Videos - I've been interviewing a number of local comics about themselves and their perspectives on comedy. The interviews are one part real journalism and one part sketch (at least that's the way we're evolving them). I've got quite a backlog of video that I need to edit, so that's on the agenda.
3. Spec Script - I've done a pretty significant edit on my first draft of my 30 Rock spec script. It still needs some more tweaking, but I'm nearing the end. Sometime in September I will likely stage a reading, along with my friends Maureen and Jack (yet another thing that will take planning and coordinating). It's pretty exciting though.
4. The Homo-Breeder Alliance - This is my sketch group that has kind of been on hiatus for a while. Supposedly we may be getting a director, which will jumpstart things again for us. I sure hope we do. They're a really smart group of people, and the opportunity to write and act in smart queer-oriented sketches that appeal to a wide audience is hard to pass up.
5. An unnamed improv group - The former members of Armchair Showcase that aren't moving (i.e. me, Qian, Maureen and maybe Jack) are trying to create a new, much more informal improv group, along with some newbies. As of now, the group will probably be comprised of all girls, except for two gay guys, me and coincidentally someone I know from college. We'd only perform about once a month, so the commitment is doable. I really hope this gets off the ground.
6. Audition this Saturday for Theater Momentum - Theater Momentum is gaining a name for itself for producing improv shows that are praised as both comedic and dramatic at once. They are holding unified auditions this Saturday, and I just made makeshift headshots for it today (thanks Nellie and Daniel for the help). You can see a sample of the headshot at the bottom of this post. I'm a little nervous about the audition, especially if I get a callback and then get a part. It's going to be a huge commitment. But it sounds like a great opportunity.
7. Improv for Kids Program - I'm going to start teaching kids how to improvise in a couple weeks. The program at Matt's workplace (despite our separation) is moving forward. I'm really excited about this since it's a whole new facet of improv for me...teaching! Plus working with kids will likely be a welcomed change of pace from working with adults. Bring on the fun!
8. Videos - I just bought a camera so I can make funny videos. It's mainly just a digital camera, but it can take about an hour of high-quality footage with the right memory card. I'm planning on making some sketches in my new apartment once I move as well as a few before I do.
9. Non-comedy stuff - This includes moving to a new apartment, breaking up with my boyfriend and running my own business. I think I'm a little ADHD.
Oh, here's that headshot I promised. Can you believe this was taken outside behind an elementary school? That background is really just a metal door.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Sorry For The Delay
Hello readers,
I'm sorry for the delay in creating a new post. My world has been in a state of flux for a bit. But I have some inexplicable downtime right now, so I thought I'd make a little post.
First, I've been drinking a lot lately. It's weird. I'm not much of a drinker. Don't get me wrong. I like alcohol alright and everything. It's just I typically reserve my libations for the weekend. Well, without a weekend anymore (remember that whole throwing off the shackles of the 9-5 world thing?) I kind of have freedom to drink whenever the damn hell I want. And lately I've wanted it to be everyday.
This really sucked yesterday for Chicago's Pizza. After a night of comedy and celebrating my friend Crank's b-day at Hopleaf, I came home around 12:30 am hungry as a drunk wolf. Not really realizing my quickly fading consciousness, I dialed Chicago's pizza and ordered some grub. "45 minutes to an hour" they said. Well they were sorely disappointed when they finally arrived as nearly two hours later I woke up on the futon, the television still glowing and my cell phone recording three missed calls from Chicago's Pizza. Lesson learned?
I think the underlying reason for all this drinking is probably because of the aforementioned dynamics of my life as it stands right now. I'm in the middle of a separation, maybe a break-up, I guess its TBD. In any case, Matt and I are going our separate ways after spending 4.5 years together. I'm not going to go into all the various reasons why things haven't been working out for us. What's the point? Just get me drunk and ask me in person. Loose lips sink ships and all that jazz.
In any case, I'm moving out of the apartment a month early, which means as of Sept. 1 I will have a new place to live. I've been apartment shopping the past week. At first I was dead set on a studio. Then I looked at two studios yesterday. They're awful. They truly are glorified closets with mini ovens and fridges inside. For a few hundred dollars more I can get a really kick ass one bedroom. So that's what I'm doing. There's a place I'm looking at today that has an extra long lease attached, but it has all utilities (including cable t.v. include) and a 4x4 shower...oh and it's right by the gay beach.
Another reason why I've probably been drinking more is that Sadie ran away on Monday. I'll preface this part of my blog with WE FOUND HER! as not to worry any readers. But she got out thanks to Matt's absent-minded, drunk friends. I spent the entire morning cancelling interviews for work, crying and shaking a bag of cat food outside. Finally our upstairs neighbors spotted a cat that wasn't theirs in their closet. It tried to claw them. Of course it was Sadie. I sang to her the rest of the day. She likes it when I replace words in oldies songs with her name, e.g. Baby Come Back = Sadie Come Back.
Finally, I bought a bike helmet. Thank you. Thank you. I realized I was just waiting until my head got crushed to get one, so for once I used my noggin and bought me one. (However, I did ride home from the store with the helmet still in the box. Old habits die hard.)
I'm sorry for the delay in creating a new post. My world has been in a state of flux for a bit. But I have some inexplicable downtime right now, so I thought I'd make a little post.
First, I've been drinking a lot lately. It's weird. I'm not much of a drinker. Don't get me wrong. I like alcohol alright and everything. It's just I typically reserve my libations for the weekend. Well, without a weekend anymore (remember that whole throwing off the shackles of the 9-5 world thing?) I kind of have freedom to drink whenever the damn hell I want. And lately I've wanted it to be everyday.
This really sucked yesterday for Chicago's Pizza. After a night of comedy and celebrating my friend Crank's b-day at Hopleaf, I came home around 12:30 am hungry as a drunk wolf. Not really realizing my quickly fading consciousness, I dialed Chicago's pizza and ordered some grub. "45 minutes to an hour" they said. Well they were sorely disappointed when they finally arrived as nearly two hours later I woke up on the futon, the television still glowing and my cell phone recording three missed calls from Chicago's Pizza. Lesson learned?
I think the underlying reason for all this drinking is probably because of the aforementioned dynamics of my life as it stands right now. I'm in the middle of a separation, maybe a break-up, I guess its TBD. In any case, Matt and I are going our separate ways after spending 4.5 years together. I'm not going to go into all the various reasons why things haven't been working out for us. What's the point? Just get me drunk and ask me in person. Loose lips sink ships and all that jazz.
In any case, I'm moving out of the apartment a month early, which means as of Sept. 1 I will have a new place to live. I've been apartment shopping the past week. At first I was dead set on a studio. Then I looked at two studios yesterday. They're awful. They truly are glorified closets with mini ovens and fridges inside. For a few hundred dollars more I can get a really kick ass one bedroom. So that's what I'm doing. There's a place I'm looking at today that has an extra long lease attached, but it has all utilities (including cable t.v. include) and a 4x4 shower...oh and it's right by the gay beach.
Another reason why I've probably been drinking more is that Sadie ran away on Monday. I'll preface this part of my blog with WE FOUND HER! as not to worry any readers. But she got out thanks to Matt's absent-minded, drunk friends. I spent the entire morning cancelling interviews for work, crying and shaking a bag of cat food outside. Finally our upstairs neighbors spotted a cat that wasn't theirs in their closet. It tried to claw them. Of course it was Sadie. I sang to her the rest of the day. She likes it when I replace words in oldies songs with her name, e.g. Baby Come Back = Sadie Come Back.
Finally, I bought a bike helmet. Thank you. Thank you. I realized I was just waiting until my head got crushed to get one, so for once I used my noggin and bought me one. (However, I did ride home from the store with the helmet still in the box. Old habits die hard.)
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Fuzzy Memories - Part 1
Here's a new installment of my blog. It's called "Fuzzy Memories," and it's basically stories from my past that I vaguely remember. Everything that I write is true to the best of my memory, which Lord knows is about as solid as Jell-O.
This first installment was inspired by the wonderful, family-oriented show The Moment of Truth. For those not familiar, TMoT is a FOX game show where contestants must reveal their most terrible, dark secrets to win money. If they tell the truth, they win money. If they lie, they lose. Questions tend to deal with relationships and family, which is convenient because they always have the contestant's significant other and family in the studio, so they can watch in horror as it is revealed that the their loved one has been cheating/lying/plotting their deaths for quite some time.
The other day one of the questions posed on TMoT was "Have you ever been involved in a car accident and fled the scene?" Of course the woman had done this, and when she responded truthfully, the audience booed and hissed (and then immediately cheered and applauded after she was awarded money; go figure).
This crappy, sleazebag gameshow triggered a memory, a memory I'm not too proud of but every time I think about it, I laugh. I had fled the scene of a traffic accident once.
I was in college, probably a junior. Many of my friends and I were journalists. I was kind of a crappy journalist. I slacked off a lot and spent a lot of time inebriated on a variety of substances. But I was always there to lend a friend a hand. And my friend Patrick needed one.
Patrick was a neurotic, studious student with high hopes for his future (he currently works for a newspaper in Florida). He was always very polite and obeyed all laws (note: he was a fairly straight edge kind of guy). One day he asked if I could drive him to the local movie theater so that he could conduct an interview. I think Michael Moore's Farenheit 9/11 was coming out, and he was doing a piece on the fervor. I could be wrong. This is called Fuzzy Memories.
Anyway, I took him to the theater in my beat up '89 Oldsmobile. I didn't want to go inside so I sat in the car in the parking lot waiting for Pat to come out. About 10 minutes later he did. He hopped into the car, I put it into reverse and I pushed the accelerator.
SLAM!!!!
We turned around and saw I had rammed a giant, parked pick-up truck. I'm completely calm. Meanwhile, Pat is freaking out. Here we are in a parking lot in the middle of the day, Pat just was in the theater spending much face-to-face time with the theater manager, who obviously knew Pat's name at this point. It was understandable that he'd be a little worried.
So I got out of the car and did a quick inspection. My car had a little bit of a scratch on it. Nothing major. And considering my car was basically a hunk of junk, I could have cared less. The truck too was fairly unharmed. The only damage whatsoever was a cracked taillight.
No owner was in sight. I had nothing to write a note with. The damage was minimal. Pat was freaking out. So I put the car in drive and drove off. All of this lasted about 30 seconds.
So there. I got it off my chest. And I was able to recount a memory that I haven't recalled in probably about 5 years. If any other random memories ever occur to me, I'll write those down too as my next installments in Fuzzy Memories.
This first installment was inspired by the wonderful, family-oriented show The Moment of Truth. For those not familiar, TMoT is a FOX game show where contestants must reveal their most terrible, dark secrets to win money. If they tell the truth, they win money. If they lie, they lose. Questions tend to deal with relationships and family, which is convenient because they always have the contestant's significant other and family in the studio, so they can watch in horror as it is revealed that the their loved one has been cheating/lying/plotting their deaths for quite some time.
The other day one of the questions posed on TMoT was "Have you ever been involved in a car accident and fled the scene?" Of course the woman had done this, and when she responded truthfully, the audience booed and hissed (and then immediately cheered and applauded after she was awarded money; go figure).
This crappy, sleazebag gameshow triggered a memory, a memory I'm not too proud of but every time I think about it, I laugh. I had fled the scene of a traffic accident once.
I was in college, probably a junior. Many of my friends and I were journalists. I was kind of a crappy journalist. I slacked off a lot and spent a lot of time inebriated on a variety of substances. But I was always there to lend a friend a hand. And my friend Patrick needed one.
Patrick was a neurotic, studious student with high hopes for his future (he currently works for a newspaper in Florida). He was always very polite and obeyed all laws (note: he was a fairly straight edge kind of guy). One day he asked if I could drive him to the local movie theater so that he could conduct an interview. I think Michael Moore's Farenheit 9/11 was coming out, and he was doing a piece on the fervor. I could be wrong. This is called Fuzzy Memories.
Anyway, I took him to the theater in my beat up '89 Oldsmobile. I didn't want to go inside so I sat in the car in the parking lot waiting for Pat to come out. About 10 minutes later he did. He hopped into the car, I put it into reverse and I pushed the accelerator.
SLAM!!!!
We turned around and saw I had rammed a giant, parked pick-up truck. I'm completely calm. Meanwhile, Pat is freaking out. Here we are in a parking lot in the middle of the day, Pat just was in the theater spending much face-to-face time with the theater manager, who obviously knew Pat's name at this point. It was understandable that he'd be a little worried.
So I got out of the car and did a quick inspection. My car had a little bit of a scratch on it. Nothing major. And considering my car was basically a hunk of junk, I could have cared less. The truck too was fairly unharmed. The only damage whatsoever was a cracked taillight.
No owner was in sight. I had nothing to write a note with. The damage was minimal. Pat was freaking out. So I put the car in drive and drove off. All of this lasted about 30 seconds.
So there. I got it off my chest. And I was able to recount a memory that I haven't recalled in probably about 5 years. If any other random memories ever occur to me, I'll write those down too as my next installments in Fuzzy Memories.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Asshole - Texas Style
Meet Joe Horn. He's 61 years old and resides in a nice neighborhood in Pasadena, Texas. He's a grandfather, a gun owner and a real fucking asshole.
Asshole isn't the right word for Mr. Horn. Murderer? Killer? Psychopath? Not one of these encapsulates the brutal insanity that this man wields inside his fleshy dome. I'd call him a douchebag, but that's offensive to douchebags everywhere.
You see, Mr. Horn took the law into his own hands. One day he was looking out his window and saw two men robbing his neighbors home. Like a good concerned citizen, Horn called 911. The dispatcher assured him that the police were on their way. But that wasn't good enough for Mr. Horn. He had to make sure these robbers would be caught and punished. Ignoring the pleadings of the 911 dispatcher, Mr. Horn grabbed a shotgun and shot the two thieves in their backs. In their backs! Even in Texas, a state known for its libertarian, no-nonsense ways, this was an act of cowardice.
When the decision came down in Mr. Horn's murder case, the jury decided to let him off the hook. There's a law in Texas called the "Castle Law," which basically states a person's home is their castle and they are legally allowed to use deadly force to protect it. But Mr. Horn wasn't protecting his own home. He was protecting his neighbor's. And the burglars weren't committing acts of violence. They were merely robbing the house of money and jewelry, items that could be insured and restored. However their lives, sadly, cannot be.
Many are calling Mr. Horn a hero. He saw a crime being committed and did what he could to stop it. I think Mr. Horn is a symbol of the state of the nation. Here is a man that is so crippled with fear that he would take a shotgun to the backs of two burglars. Here is a man who values money over human lives. Here is a man who probably thinks the terrorists are out to get us, that illegal immigrants are taking our jobs, that hate, violence and inhumanity lurk around every corner waiting to destroy everything we hold sacred.
The truth is the world is a peaceful place. It is the fear that Mr. Horn fosters that turns it into the violent, ugly world he perceives. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Asshole isn't the right word for Mr. Horn. Murderer? Killer? Psychopath? Not one of these encapsulates the brutal insanity that this man wields inside his fleshy dome. I'd call him a douchebag, but that's offensive to douchebags everywhere.
You see, Mr. Horn took the law into his own hands. One day he was looking out his window and saw two men robbing his neighbors home. Like a good concerned citizen, Horn called 911. The dispatcher assured him that the police were on their way. But that wasn't good enough for Mr. Horn. He had to make sure these robbers would be caught and punished. Ignoring the pleadings of the 911 dispatcher, Mr. Horn grabbed a shotgun and shot the two thieves in their backs. In their backs! Even in Texas, a state known for its libertarian, no-nonsense ways, this was an act of cowardice.
When the decision came down in Mr. Horn's murder case, the jury decided to let him off the hook. There's a law in Texas called the "Castle Law," which basically states a person's home is their castle and they are legally allowed to use deadly force to protect it. But Mr. Horn wasn't protecting his own home. He was protecting his neighbor's. And the burglars weren't committing acts of violence. They were merely robbing the house of money and jewelry, items that could be insured and restored. However their lives, sadly, cannot be.
Many are calling Mr. Horn a hero. He saw a crime being committed and did what he could to stop it. I think Mr. Horn is a symbol of the state of the nation. Here is a man that is so crippled with fear that he would take a shotgun to the backs of two burglars. Here is a man who values money over human lives. Here is a man who probably thinks the terrorists are out to get us, that illegal immigrants are taking our jobs, that hate, violence and inhumanity lurk around every corner waiting to destroy everything we hold sacred.
The truth is the world is a peaceful place. It is the fear that Mr. Horn fosters that turns it into the violent, ugly world he perceives. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
"I'd say I'm about this much of an asshole."
- Joe Horn
- Joe Horn
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